The news is out ... our family is expanding! We were delighted to discover in November that a new baby would be joining our family ... however, I must admit that given the last pregnancy experience I had, I had a hard time feeling 'joy' about it!
I feel guilty even typing it!
My last pregnancy had progressed to 12 weeks and then abruptly, cruelly and painfully ended. That hit me hard. I delivered a little one that we laid to rest alongside my dad.
Where was the joy there? I didn't look for it .... I didn't want to.
So when the stick turned blue this time, I had that question come to my mind immediately, 'Lord, will you allow this one to stay?' Is this the answer to what we have prayed, and pleaded for?
For the past 12 and a half weeks I have asked that many times. I was beyond thankful to reach the 3 month mark this past week, and am beginning to allow myself the feelings of hope and joy that come along with a promised and precious little life.
I must make one thing perfectly clear .. I believe God makes no mistakes. That was truly put to the test though with our loss. But how can I say then confidently, that He makes no mistakes ... because He has shown me time and again.
When all looked lost to the disciples when the Lord was crucified, what happened? He did as He said He would, and was resurrected! When they felt they were being left behind when He ascended to Heaven, what did He do? He told them He would give them a 'comforter!' One who would always be with them, never leaving them.
Oh sure, things may look bleak to us, but He has already seen the end. The glorious ending and He is walking along the road with us, holding our hand, and guiding us along. He has shown Himself mighty countless times .. why should this time be different? He will do it again!
And so, as this journey of adding to our family continues ... I give thanks. For another day to grow a little life. For the miracle that He has allowed to happen. That He heard my prayer, like Hannah in 1 Samuel. That He has given the child that we have prayed for. Could something unexpected happen? Oh, yes. Can something glorious come out of those trying times? OH, YES! And we are living proof of that!
~ a little life, beating heart, fingers, toes, a little soul
~ dreams of my oldest girl ... wanting to make a difference!
~ this man that I think about every day ... a wonderful, godly father.
~ for the man who sticks with me, always beside me!
oh girl..when I saw the picture of your beautiful father, I burst into tears~~
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing that memory ~
Loving the words that pour from your heart~ God has done so many wonderful things in your life, you have much to share with us..and we have much to learn from you~..
Precious pic of Baby Arbo..how we love him already..
That's my guess..a him..
Your guess?
How are you feeling??..Love you so very mych~
I burst into tears when I see that photo too! It is such a wonderful moment that my sister captured the Easter before my dad was called Home. If I have anything to share, it is only through Him. You love 'him' huh? I don't know ... my gut says girl but you never know! Feeling so much better now that I have hit the 3 month mark! Had a touch of the flu over the weekend but am definitely on the mend :) Love you too ~ we need to plan a facetime/skype chat :)
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of rescuing Dolphins, have ya'll watched "A dolphin's tale"?
ReplyDeleteMe thinks you'd like it muchly~~
btw, have your heard of Jamie Grace? Sweet little African American God loving, Jesus worshipping- homeschooled , laid back ,funked out,electro- country music style little singing artist??
check her out on youtube..
if you think your girls might like her songs (our girls are nutso about her,,and so am I, really~)Then let me know, and we'll pick up a CD for them for VALENTINES day..
oh..ya..Speaking of February ~~~What are your Family day weekend plans??
Can we invite ourselves over?
Hi, Lisa- its Renee. I just posted a blog entry in my Losing Vienna blog about feelings that are there after the birth of a healthy baby. Several of the prior posts were about the emotional struggles of pregnancy after loss even after passing the time in my pregnancy where I lost Vienna. This whole last pregnancy held struggles of fear of loss and struggles to hope and find joy- you are not alone and I'd like to offer my blog for reading that might not be "uplifting" all the time but, would let you know that your feeling are not weird at all. Hoping to be helpful. . .~renee http://ren-babyonboard.blogspot.com/ The first post about being pregnant after loss is titled "Baby on the way" written at the 12 week mark. Every post after that is in relation to pregnancy after loss.
ReplyDeleteAng ~ Dolphin's Tale was a mega hit in our house!! That was what led Hannah to want to be a marine biologist :)
ReplyDeleteI told her living at the ocean would be great and her dad and I would be glad to join her!! ;)
They LOVE Jamie Grace too ~ don't have the cd ... know they would love it!
Family Day weekend is my birthday weekend :) So ... talk to my hubby about the plans and let's see what we can make happen!!
Renee ~ Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about Vienna and the journey to having Anderson! I have thought about you many days, and regretfully, I have not told you!! I will look forward to reading your blog and drawing strength from it!